Reworking the Past

The past is meant to be buried. Digging through the rubbish bin of past memories stirs up not only crap best left forgotten, it opens energies beyond us that we once thought closed.

As an example, take Emprise, a book I wrote 2 years ago when I was in the process of healing from a failed marriage. The book was complete; the marriage over; the past was left behind. Just this week, being unsatisfied with the results, I pulled it open and began reworking it. I wanted people to accept this past work, rather than being content to have them love my current and future writing. Now, bear in mind, I simultaneously began work on a new novel that is already infinitely better than the one I’ve insisted upon reworking.

Not coincidentally, in the metaphysics of the universe or the workings of the Divine Father, the baggage that accompanied the book was also welcomed back into my life. My ex-wife, just this hour, sent me a long letter designed to give me closure to the tremendous pain that almost killed me (both figuratively and literally). Perhaps it was God, telling me, “Close the book, Bill.” Or maybe she — being as connected as always — felt the opportunity to drag up past demons in the name of closure.

Now that I see the truth, I will discontinue my selfish actions by letting you go—no longer seeking you out to rescue my sinking ship—but rather releasing your hand so God can further wrap you in the life you deserve, full of riches and love.

I really do wish the best for you, as well as pray that God will keep you safe and bless you for all the ways you have enriched my life and touched my soul, when no one else could.

It is a lovely thought, except that I had already achieved closure. Now, I have a newly opened wound. That, my friends, is all the past is good for.

Similarly, earlier today, a former neighbor with whom I had a complex relationship re-entered my life, wanting to meet for coffee. I don’t know what she wants, but I’m sure it’s some level of support I had cleared from my life. Again, opening up the past invited in energy I didn’t need.

Now, I know people won’t believe this, and they don’t have to. I know I’m right, and I never argue when I am given A Truth. And here is A Truth. If you have things from the past that you don’t like, TOO FUCKING BAD. You have two options: Bury them, or live unhappily with them.

As for me, I will not live in the past. Not mine; not anyone else’s. To hell with the book I don’t like. I’ll let it lay as is, a testament of a past me who wasn’t what he could have been. Hopefully, in closing the book, the demons of the past will die with it.

The best way to achieve forgiveness for past failings is to forget they happened, and move on. Life begins today. Futures are those things that come after Now, not then. There is no then.

Advertisements

13 thoughts on “Reworking the Past

  1. Pingback: Pulling Emprise | This Blog Intentionally Blank

  2. Referring to the past is not reworking it, it’s just referring to it as a source of information. You cannot ignore nor should ignore your past any more than you should ignore your future. Nothing is fixed, unless you think it is. Maybe you should let your past stop affecting you so much, then it might stop biting you in the arse.

    Like

  3. I am just as visual my love, and I too have to be very difficult what memories I drag up from my past. But they don’t have to keep affecting you. I’m sorry if I upset you, it was never my intention, I was just making a reference to the conversation we were having.

    Like

Type it. You know you want to.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s